My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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