It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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