If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Farmville is her only friend.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I want a musical about memes.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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