he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
