There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
