he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
false alarm, still single
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
