Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
