Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
