Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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