Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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