first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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