tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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