Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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