If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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