dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
