just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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