tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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