I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
