I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
