Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
