I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
