Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you traded sex for a burrito?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
