I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
