if you like me you must not know who I am
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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