I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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