i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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