By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
