I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
