Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I am midnight drunk by noon
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
