oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
