I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
