god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
