I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
