Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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