There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
