if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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