I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
