hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
