So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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