i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
