I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
