i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
