some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
