fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
