Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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