Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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