don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
