I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
