Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
