i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she peed on how many people?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You ruined the universe
Randomize
