4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
