I puked a lego.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize