just come out here and I will go home with you...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
