so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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