he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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