he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
