she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
