I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
