she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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