Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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