I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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