Apparently you make a good broom.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
