I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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