I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Randomize
