As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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